I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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