Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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