Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
