I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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