he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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