He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You may now shotgun with the bride
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
