I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
