I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
being pregnant is like rehab
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
