he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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