just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
