All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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