I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
