She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
