I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
