Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
