He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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