so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
