Sry I called you an 8
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
