he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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