census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Barsexuality is the new black.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
