When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
