I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
