we should wear snuggies to the strip club
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
