he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
