weddingsv make me drug and hornr
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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