apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
