There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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