just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
