I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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