a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He better not be in your backpack
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
