I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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