what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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