laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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