the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
