you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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