I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
