I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
God, I missed his penis.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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