Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize