OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
