Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
