Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
