My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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