Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
