Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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