That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
