I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
