Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
