How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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