It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
