3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
