WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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