M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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