every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
