hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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