a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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