yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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